The Top Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly pt. 4: The Cruise Ship Principle

Posted on March 9, 2011 by Andrew Bloom


This is Part Four in our series of Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly.
Check out Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Five.

 

 

 


4. The Cruise Ship Principle

Definition – The impulse to continue in a particularly positive or personally meaningful activity despite the conscious knowledge that the activity would only continue to be positive or meaningful if others continued in it as well.

The Story – When I was twelve, I went on a cruise with my family. During the vacation, I’d met up with a nice group of kids my own age whom I quickly became good friends with. At the end of the week, when we were disembarking, I said to my family, “I wish we could stay on the cruise ship.” My dad pointed out, quite rightly, that what I really wanted was to spend more time with these friends, and so that wish wouldn’t work unless they all stayed on the cruise ship as well. It was at that point that I realized the pleasure I took in certain activities was largely dependent on those with whom I had shared the experience, and continuing them on my own would not have sufficed. Thus, the Cruise Ship Principle was born.

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The Andrew Review: The Office – Threat Level Midnight (s7e17)

Posted on February 18, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

In “Threat Level Midnight” Michael finally reveals his much ballyhooed, self-produced action film to the office. More importantly, the audience finally had a chance to see this oft-alluded to bit of comedy. Unfortunately the end result, and this episode as whole, were a let down. It might be that the expectations for “Threat Level Midnight” were impossibly high. In the course of the show, the audience has had many glimpses of Michael’s misdirected little spy film. In season two’s “The Client” we had our first look at it when Pam discovers the script and instigates and office-wide table read. We’ve seen bits and pieces of the movie since, including Michael reverting to his “Michael Scarn” character during all of his improv classes and off-hand comments about his situation with Jan has reaching “Threat Level Midnight.” With a gag built up this much, it may just have been too much for any comedy show to deliver on.

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The Andrew Review: The Simpsons – The Blue and the Gray (s22e13)

Posted on February 14, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

In Season 22's "The Blue and the Gray" Marge decides to stop dyeing her hair and stick to ner natural gray.

In the most recent episode of The Simpsons, entitled “The Blue and the Gray,” Marge takes the bold step of forgoing her usual hair dye and deciding to sport her natural gray hair color. I really enjoyed this main story. It was fresh and original without feeling forced or contrived. It’s hard to come up with a situation the Simpson family has not already dealt with, and Marge-centric episodes in particular tend to cover already well-trodden ground. Who would have thought that a pack of middle-aged male comedy writers would have a hard time coming up with interesting material about a wife and mother? That barb aside, this episode bucked the trend. The basic plotline of Marge deciding to embrace her self confidence by going gray soared. The central conflict of Marge balancing her commitment to being “empowering” against the town’s reaction, not to mention her concerns about whether Homer’s support for the new-do is genuine, carried this episode home.

Of course, my fellow Simpsons nerds and I have known since Season 5’s episode “Secrets of a Successful Marriage” that Marge has been as “gray as a mule since she was seventeen.” In that same vein, I have no doubt that this blip in continuity will be cause for much consternation for my fellow diehards, but I’m willing to overlook it. I am a firm believer in Matt Groening’s “waistband continuity” where the continuity can stretch to fit the joke. I did take some issue with the fact that they hand-waved the issue with the hairdresser that the fumes from the dye wipe Marge’s memory that she’s actually gray. It would be better just to play it off as though the hairdresser was keeping it from her, or just reframe it as Marge knowing about the dyeing all along, but choosing to stop. Still, that’s a quibble in what was otherwise a strong and unique storyline.

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The Top Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly pt. 3: The Citizen Kane Effect

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Andrew Bloom


This is Part Three in our series of Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly.
Check out Part One, Part Two, Part Four, and Part Five.

 

 

3. The Citizen Kane Effect

Definition – When a modern viewer is nonplussed by a classic film or other such work of art, because the elements of the work that were impressive or innovative at the time of its release have since become commonplace or outdated.

The Story – “Citizen Kane” is a tremendous film. It’s done quite well for itself without any need for further accolades from yours truly, but suffice it to say, “Citizen Kane” is widely acclaimed as one of, if not the, greatest movies of all time. Personally, before I had ever popped it into my DVD player, I think I’d practically seen the whole movie based solely on the many many homages to the film on The Simpsons. Yet, very often a modern audience will see this film, so firmly acknowledged as a masterpiece, and somehow they have a reaction that roughly amounts to “so what?”

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The Andrew Preview: Superbowl XLV

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

Your Top Stories

Jeff Fisher is leaving the Tennessee Titans after sixteen years as the team's head coach.

1. Last Thursday, Jeff Fisher resigned from the Tennessee Titans after sixteen seasons as the team’s head coach. It was believed that Fisher and QB Vince Young could not coexist in the organization, but with Titans’ owner Bud Adams announcing that Young would not be back in Tennessee, it was widely expected that Fisher would return. Then, Fisher, who had been with the Titans since the team was located in Houston, surprised the league by announce he would not come back for the last year of his contract as Tennessee’s head coach. He will reportedly receive an 8 million dollar settlement buyout. Rumors suggest that part of the departure had to do with Fisher losing two valued assistants in Check Cecil who was fired and Jim Washburn who was hired by the Philadelphia Eagles. Fisher leaves the Titans with a 142-120 record in the regular season and a 5-6 record in the playoffs for the team under his tenure.

2. The Associated Press selected New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick as the 2010 Coach of the Year. This is the third time that Belichick has won the award, having been voted the league’s best coach in 2007 and 2003 as well. With this third win, Belichick is behind only Don Shula, who won the award a record four times. Belichick received thirty out of fifty votes to win, with the second place finisher, Tampa Bay’s Raheem Morris, receiving 11 ½ votes. With a prolific offense and rebuilt defense, he managed to coach the Patriots to a league best 14-2 record this season, that included wins over the Steelers, Packers, Bears, and Jets.

3. Steelers LB James Harrison unleashed more criticism for the NFL in the lead up to the Super Bowl. On Tuesday, Harrison facetiously suggested that he could use pillows to soften his hits on ball-carriers. Then, on Wednesday before the Steelers’ practice, Harrison questioned the NFL’s commitment to player safety, and pointed to the owner’s push for an 18-game regular season as proof of his position. Harrison said that, “It’s not about player safety. It’s about making money.” Harrison noted that Steelers’ owner Dan Rooney had spoken out against the idea of an 18-game season and that “He’s the most respected voice, I believe. He came out and said it, exactly what it was, what it is.” He also said that the NFL’s efforts toward player safety were “a show.” Harrison was fined earlier in the season for his big hits on opposing players.

Registering For The Draft

Here is the current order for the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft.

1. Carolina (2-14)
2. Denver (4-12)
3. Buffalo (4-12)
4. Cincinnati (4-12)
5. Arizona (5-11)
6. Cleveland (5-11)
7. San Francisco (6-10)
8. Tennessee (6-10)
9. Dallas (6-10)
10. Washington (6-10)
11. Houston (6-10)
12. Minnesota (6-10)
13. Detroit (6-10)
14. St. Louis (7-9)
15. Miami (7-9)
16. Jacksonville (8-8)
17. New England (14-2) — from Oakland
18. San Diego (9-7)
19. New York Giants (10-6)
20. Tampa Bay (10-6)
21. Kansas City (10-6)
22. Indianapolis (10-6)
23. Philadelphia (10-6)
24. New Orleans (11-5)
25. Seattle (7-9)
26. Baltimore (12-4)
27. Atlanta (13-3)
28. New England (14-2)
29. Chicago (11-5)
30. New York Jets (11-5)
31. Green Bay (10-6)*
32. Pittsburgh (12-4)*

* Final draft position depends on the outcome of the Superbowl.
One Big Match Up

1. Pittsburgh vs. Green Bay, 6:30 P.M. EST on FOX, in Arlington, TX – Two of the most storied franchises in the history of the NFL will meet in football’s biggest game this year. The Packers trace their lineage back to 1919, and they have nine NFL Championships and three additional Super Bowl victories going into this year’s championship game. For their part, the Pittsburgh Steelers were founded in 1933 and have won a league-record six Super Bowls as a franchise.  Now, in Arlington, Texas, two of the oldest and most decorated teams in the league will match up with a chance to hoist the Lombardi Trophy as World Champions.

The Steelers take on the Packers in Arlington, Texas at Superbowl XLV.

The Pittsburgh Steelers pulled ahead to a big lead early in the 2011 AFC Championship game, and held firm against a late rally by the Jets to punch their ticket to Super Bowl XLV. Unlike the week prior against the Ravens where the team’s fortunes looked bleak at halftime, the Steelers went into the locker room at the halfway mark with a dominating 24-3 lead. The Jets mounted a furious comeback in the second half, but a goal line stand from James Harrison and the Pittsburgh D effectively shut down Rex Ryan’s team, and Pittsburgh secured the 24-19 victory over New York. One more win would give the Steelers their third Super Bowl in just six years, and it would put QB Ben Roethlisberger in elite company. Only four other quarterbacks in NFL history have won at least three superbowls: Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana, Troy Aikman, and Tom Brady. With Big Ben leading an offense that features standouts like Rashard Mendenhall and Heath Miller, and a defense that features blistering hitters like James Harrison and Troy Polamalu, expect Mike Tomlin’s boys to put up quite a fight on the NFL’s biggest stage.

Meanwhile, the Green Bay Packers have taken on and defeated division champions in every game they’ve played for the last four weeks. Their latest victim, a repeat customer, was the Chicago Bears who fell at home to the Packers 21-14. Aaron Rodgers threw for 244 yards, ran in a score, and even made a touchdown-saving tackle to send the Pack into the Super Bowl for the first time since 1998. With that strong performance, the Packers are currently three-point favorites for the Big Game and why not? Green Bay has not been down by more than a touchdown this entire season. With Aaron Rodgers under center and weapons like the explosive Greg Jennings catching passes and the workman-like James Starks getting the hard yards, the offense has been putting up big numbers. With a defense that boasts talents like lineman B.J. Raji, who returned an interception for a touchdown in the NFC Championship game and Cameron Wake who has been sacking quarterbacks all season, every offensive that has faced Mike McCarthy’s Green Bay squad has had their hands full. We have two stellar teams with long histories vying for the NFL Championship this Sunday. It should be a hell of a game.

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Twilight: The Novel – The Andrew Review

Posted on January 29, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful show called Mystery Science Theater 3000. It taught us all a very important lesson – that even the most hackneyed, poorly made, and all around worst “works of art” can be made entertaining and enjoyable if you simply poke fun at them as you go along. It was in this spirit that I read Stephenie Meyer’s ode to fangirl fantasies, whiny vampires, and the act of spitting on Bram Stoker’s grave, better known as “Twilight.”

I embarked on this treacherous journey at the urging of my girlfriend, who is herself an ardent detractor of the novel and its writing style. She received my sardonic running commentary as I slogged through page after page of this ripe-for-ridicule tale, and she has been my shepherd through this strange land of plot holes and tween-lit. When she encouraged me to do a full review, how could I refuse? She was also kind enough to provide me with a few NPR reviews of the book for guidance, and she even made the lovely pictures you see accompanying the review. Without further ado, here are my thoughts on that most celebrated of novels – Twilight.


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The Top Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly pt. 2: Village Idiot Moment

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Andrew Bloom


This is Part Two in our series of Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly.
Check out Part One, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.

2. Village Idiot Moment

Definition – Those times when you’re consuming a beverage when suddenly, someone says something funny and makes you spray the drink all over everywhere, nasally or otherwise.

The Story – This one also involves my family, but it’s a much more straightforward tale and term. On one family trip to a cousin’s wedding a number of years ago, we stopped at a local store to grab a drink for my sister, and to pick up a few sundry items for the trip. Before we drove off, both my parents wanted to fix my sister’s outfit before we arrived at the wedding. She was sitting in the back, drinking some juice, as my parents were futzing and fiddling with her dress. All of a sudden, some random young and quite inebriated fellow was walking through the parking lot, and rambling incoherently. To his subsequent dismay, my dad uttered five words that are now infamousin my family – “Look, it’s the village idiot!”

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The Andrew Preview: NFL Conference Championship Playoffs

Posted on January 22, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

Your Top Stories

The Jets take on the Steelers this week, with a trip to the Superbowl on the line.

1. Raiders Offensive Coordinator Hue Jackson was promoted to head coach this week, filling the final head coaching vacancy in the NFL. Owner Al Davis introduced Jackson as his new coach on Tuesday, promising it was the start of a brighter future for the team. Davis made a statement that, “The fire in Hue will set a flame that will burn for a long time in the hearts and minds of the Raider football team and the Raider Nation.” Jackson was hired last year to take over the play calling duties from the Raiders’ former head coach, Tom Cable. Under Jackson, the offense doubled its scoring output from the prior season. Jackson was widely thought to be the leading candidate for the position, and this will be his first head coaching job at any level.

2. After a long flirtation that many thought was a fait accompli, the Dallas Cowboys officially announced today that Rob Ryan will become their new Defensive Coordinator. The son of NFL legend Buddy Ryan and twin brother of current Jets’ head coach Rex Ryan, Rob will coming to Dallas to coach the Cowboys’ defense next year. Ryan has been the DC in Cleveland for two years under Eric Mangini, but became free with the hiring of new head coach Pat Shurmur. He has been an NFL coach for thirteen seasons, including a five year stop in Oakland as the Raider’s defensive coordinator. In brother-related news, in addition to a Harbaugh bowl between the Ravens and 49ers, next season will also feature a Ryan bowl when the Jets take on the Cowboys.

3. It’s very rare that the top news organizations report take the time to report the absence of something, but when it comes to the 2011 New York Jets, you just have to throw the playbook out the window. Major news outlets are reporting that the Jets and fiery head coach Rex Ryan…are not talking trash about the Pittsburgh Steelers. Outspoken defensive back Antonio Cromartie, who had some choice words about the New England Patriots said, “We’ve moved on. We’re getting ready for Pittsburgh now.” Adding to the comparative love fest, Ryan said that he and Steelers’ coach Mike Tomlin were a lot alike, noting that both men were defensive coaches who received unique opportunities. Ryan added that Tomlin is one of his favorite coaches in the NFL. Will the Steelers reciprocate these veritable love letters from the Jets? Only time will tell.

Registering For The Draft

Here is the current order for the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft.

1. Carolina (2-14)
2. Denver (4-12)
3. Buffalo (4-12)
4. Cincinnati (4-12)
5. Arizona (5-11)
6. Cleveland (5-11)
7. San Francisco (6-10)
8. Tennessee (6-10)
9. Dallas (6-10)
10. Washington (6-10)
11. Houston (6-10)
12. Minnesota (6-10)
13. Detroit (6-10)
14. St. Louis (7-9)
15. Miami (7-9)
16. Jacksonville (8-8)
17. New England (14-2) — from Oakland
18. San Diego (9-7)
19. New York Giants (10-6)
20. Tampa Bay (10-6)
21. Kansas City (10-6)
22. Indianapolis (10-6)
23. Philadelphia (10-6)
24. New Orleans (11-5)
25. Seattle (7-9)
26. Baltimore (12-4)
27. Atlanta (13-3)
28. New England (14-2)
29. Green Bay (10-6)*
30. Chicago (11-5)*
31. New York Jets (11-5)*
32. Pittsburgh (12-4)*

* Final draft position depends on the outcome of the playoffs.

Two Big Match Ups

1. Green Bay at Chicago, 3 P.M. EST on FOX – The NFC Championship game will be all-North this year as the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears match up for the third time this season. The Green Bay Packers have essentially been competing in playoff games since Week Sixteen of the regular season. Fortunately, the team has been playing at a playoff level since that time as well. When they faced elimination from playoff contention, they delivered a beatdown of the New York Giants to the tune of 45-17. When they needed a victory to guarantee a playoff berth in Week Seventeen, they pulled out the hard-fought win. When they had to beat Michael Vick and the Eagles to advance to the next round of the postseason, they played a great game and got the W. And when they had to face their third division champion in as many weeks, the Packers responded by decimating the Falcons in front of the Atlanta faithful with a final score of 48-21. With the team firing on all cylinders for weeks now, the Packers are a tough out.

Still, Green Bay wasn’t the only team to win in a dominating fashion last week. While the Seahawks managed something of a comeback in garbage time, the Bears had a 28-3 lead at the start of the fourth quarter, and Seattle never really stood a chance as Chicago took absolute control of the game from the getgo. Having not played a truly meaningful football game in two weeks, the Bears shook of the rust and put in a stellar performance in their first playoff game in four years. Jay Cutler managed to score four touchdowns – two through the air and two on the grounds. With home field advantage on their side, the Bears are looking to stamp their ticket to Arlington in front of their home crowd. These teams have played twice this year. Chicago squeaked out a three-point victory in Week Three, and Green Bay picked up the duke by a touchdown in Week Seventeen. Still the Bears had nothing to play for in that game, though now they might wish that they’d taken that chance to knock out their upcoming sparring partner. With an NFC North rivalry and a pair of teams who’ve played each other close this season, expect a great game.

2. NY Jets at Pittsburgh, 6:30 P.M. EST on CBS – It didn’t look good for the Pittsburgh Steelers last week. Down 21-7 to Baltimore at the half, the Steelers walked into the locker room with what appeared to be thin hopes for beating the division rival Ravens. Baltimore had taken advantage of Pittsburgh’s miscues and pumped up their running game to build a two-touchdown lead going into halftime. Then, all of a sudden, Pittsburgh came back out in the second half and rallied in a big way. They scored three touchdowns and a field goal, holding Baltimore to just 28 yards of total offense in the second half, and slaying their divisional foes. Now, Big Ben will look to secure his third trip to the Superbowl in just six seasons. It was a physical game between two physical teams, and both sides got their shots in, but at the end of the game, Pittsburgh emerged victorious and are now one win away from Arlington.

The Jets, for their part, faced a tight game against a division rival of their own. New York and New England has been exchanging cross words the whole week, and it showed on the field with a fair chunk of penalties and lots of rough play. The Jets grounded at 14-2 Patriot team that looked nigh unstoppable, with a defense that sacked Tom Brady five times and intercepted him to boot. Mark Sanchez threw for three touchdowns, and the rushing tandem of Shonn Green and LaDanian Tomlinson managed to ice the game at the end. New England did manage to do some damage in the fourth corner, and threatened a comeback, but after two unsuccessful onside kicks and a questionable call on fourth and thirteen, it was too little too late. The Jets won 28-21. For all that jawing, for all the criticism, for all of the circus that’s surrounded the New York Jets this season, they’re one win away from the Superbowl. The Jets and the Steelers met in Week Fifteen, with New York walking away victorious, 22-17, but there’s much more at stake this time around. Again, expect a great game from two teams who have been playing some great football lately.

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The Andrew Review: The Office – Ultimatum (s7e13)

Posted on January 21, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

Pam displays her "New Years Resolutions Board" in the most recent episode of The Office.

The Office took a very long mid-season break between their holiday episode and this most recent one. The last new episode happened all the way back on December 9th, but I have to say, it was certainly worth the wait. In a season that has had its ups and downs, “Ultimatum” was a clear highlight. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re finally getting into the long-teased Michael and Holly situation, or we’re just in an upswing with the show, but this was not only a stellar episode, but one of the best of the season.

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The Top Five Terms Made Up By Yours Truly pt. 1: Coconut Syndrome

Posted on January 19, 2011 by Andrew Bloom

If you want to make it easier to recognize something, to understand it and to learn from it, then give it a name. In many ways, all words and phrases are merely shortcuts – quick little representations of much larger thoughts and concepts that make discussing these big ideas, not to mention wrapping our heads them, much much easier. Indeed, Shakespeare was a wordsmith, not for the glory, but out of necessity. There were certain things he wanted to express quickly and succinctly, and the English language just had not caught up yet. It’s the same reason each generation comes up with its own slang; it’s the same reason phrases like “too big to fail” went from being barely in the public consciousness to something everyone knows the meaning of in the current economic climate, and it’s the same reason Stephen Colbert’s “truthiness” swept the nation. In that spirit, here is a series of five terms that I have come up with in order to describe some hereto unlabeled phenomena. Most of these terms have a good story behind them, but all of them are useful shortcuts for certain sentiments and activities Continue reading →

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